Help! (a satire)
Greetings from the peace loving people of Georgia Tech. We have been completely infiltrated by the forces of ACOG (Atlanta Conspiracy to Occupy Georgia tech), which is in reality an organization of a few rabble rousers and counter-revolutionaries, who falsely present themselves as a local group with the best interests of Georgia Tech and Atlanta in their hearts. This group is headed by Billy Payne, a graduate of and a former football star for the University of Georgia, the traditional enemy of the peace loving people of Georgia Tech. He is actually a lawyer and a figurehead for a vast international organization which hides their evil intentions behind a facade of peaceful international amateur sports competition. Their obvious intent is total conquest of the Georgia Tech campus and other parts of Atlanta in revenge for the heroic victories of our great historical leader Bobby Dodd.
The forces of our enemies have already begun restricting vehicle traffic, and closing the streets around the Georgia Tech campus in order to better control us. They are now restricting the free movement of the peace loving employees of Georgia Tech in some places, in clear violation of the treaty we signed with them. The heroic residents of Home Park, many of whom are not even students or employees of Georgia Tech, but just ordinary workers and even retired and disabled persons, have been forced to suffer many indignities such as having to pay to park on their own streets by the threat of having their personal vehicles towed by the Atlanta Police, who have become the lackeys of ACOG and the international conspiracy, as has the mayor of Atlanta, the governor of Georgia, and the rest of our "leaders".
They have also occupied all of the dormitories and computer clusters, and are forcing many innocent employees to relocate to other buildings. The young students of Georgia Tech, representing the finest flowers of youth from across our nation and even other nations, have been virtually eliminated from campus. Cruel "security" background checks have been done on all of our employees, and those deemed undesirable have been told they may not enter the campus. Those who remain must carry identification and give their handprints to the "security forces" of the occupying army. They have even removed the vending machines from our building without authorization, forcing us to work in intolerable and inhumane conditions. They have also taken all the good parking spots, making it virtually impossible for those who remain to get to work.
We are begging all alumni and people who love Georgia Tech (or at least went to this school and make some money now) to help us throw back the foreign invaders. A vast international force has been preparing to invade us for years, under the pretense of peaceful sporting competition. It has been announced that Martial Law will be declared July 1, making an intolerable situation even worse. The international invasion forces will arrive shortly after that. The infiltrators are in constant and frenzied preparation for the invasion from abroad. They have even enlisted the support of the giant IBM (International Bogey Men) to assist them. We beg you to please help us before it is too late.
With a heavy heart,
Commander in Chief
Georgia Tech Resistance Movement